By Tiffany Martens, RP-Q | True Roots Therapy
If you’re reading this and you’ve ever felt “too much” for others or not enough, I want you to know you’re not alone.
Attachment issues don’t just show up in childhood. They echo through our relationships, our sense of self, and the way we navigate the world. Maybe you find yourself pulling away from people just when things get close. Or maybe you cling tightly, terrified of being left. Sometimes, the hardest part is not even knowing why these patterns keep repeating.
As a therapist who works with attachment dynamics, I see these experiences every day. And more importantly, I’ve sat with the pain, the shame, and the confusion that so often come along with them.
What Does It Mean to Have Attachment Wounds?
Attachment wounds form when our early needs for safety, affection, or stability weren’t consistently met. These wounds can shape how we connect with others, how we protect ourselves from hurt, and how we respond to emotional closeness.
If you have an anxious attachment style, you may find yourself constantly worrying about being abandoned or rejected. You might overthink texts, fear silence, or feel responsible for other people’s emotions. You may crave closeness, but never quite feel secure when you have it.
If you lean more avoidant, you might instinctively retreat when things get emotionally intense. Maybe you feel safest when you’re independent and at the same time quietly long for a connection you’re not sure how to trust.
And if you’re somewhere in between or fluctuate between the two, that’s okay. You don’t need to fit neatly into a category to know you’re struggling.
How Attachment Patterns Can Feel
Attachment issues don’t just affect your romantic relationships. They can make friendships feel fragile, family gatherings feel overwhelming, and workplace dynamics confusing. You might find yourself people-pleasing to avoid conflict, or distancing yourself emotionally, even from those you love.
While these patterns are protective, often rooted in early strategies that once kept you safe, they can also feel lonely and exhausting as an adult.
Clients often tell me, “I feel broken,” or “Why do I keep pushing people away when I want closeness so badly?” These are not signs of brokenness. They’re signs of pain. And pain deserves to be witnessed with care, not judged or rushed.
How Therapy Can Help
Attachment therapy is not about labelling you or pathologizing your past. It’s about making sense of your story and learning how your experiences shaped the way you relate to others and to yourself.
In our work together, I might ask gentle questions about your early relationships, or explore how trust was built or broken in your life. We might notice the subtle ways your body responds to closeness or distance. Together, we’ll create space to understand your patterns, not as flaws, but as adaptations to a world that may not have always felt safe.
We’ll also work to build something new, a sense of safety in the therapeutic relationship itself. This is where healing happens, not just by talking about connection, but by experiencing it in real time.
My Approach to Attachment Therapy
I come to this work not just as a therapist, but as a human being. Before entering the therapy room, I spent years in frontline social services supporting people through reproductive health, crisis intervention, and community advocacy. These experiences taught me that healing isn’t linear and that it takes enormous courage to let someone in.
My approach is trauma-informed, relational, and grounded in the belief that people are doing the best they can with the tools they’ve been given. In our sessions, I don’t expect you to have the “right” words. We might sit with silence, laughter, tears, or just the simple act of noticing what’s present for you.
All parts of you are welcome.
And for those navigating layered experiences, whether related to trauma, queerness, faith deconstruction, or chronic pain, I aim to hold space that honours the full complexity of who you are.
Moving Toward Secure Attachment
Healing attachment wounds is not about becoming someone else. It’s about coming home to yourself.
In therapy, we practice new ways of relating, setting boundaries, receiving care without guilt, and trusting our inner voice. Over time, these new experiences can soften the grip of old patterns. You begin to believe, little by little, that connection can be safe. That you can be loved without performing. That you can stay, and be stayed with.
You Are Not Alone
If you see yourself in any of what I’ve shared, I want you to know that healing is possible. You’re not “too much.” You’re not unlovable. You’re a person who learned to survive, and you deserve relationships where you can truly thrive.
If you’re ready to explore your attachment story in a safe, affirming space, I invite you to reach out. I currently offer in-person and virtual therapy sessions across Ontario and welcome individuals and couples of all identities and backgrounds.
Contact me today to book a free 20-minute consultation. Let’s take the first step together.